


anticlimax

by eireneos



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, soobin the winter angel, the hows and whys of soogyu, winter season and beomgyu's heart turns cold
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:27:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29694330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eireneos/pseuds/eireneos
Summary: When the thrill of love fades, when the foundation of trust crumbles, and a beautiful relationship turns blinding, are second chances even worth giving?OR(Beomgyu and Soobin are famous actors and past lovers, whose paths meet again)
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Soobin, Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin & Huening Kai
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	anticlimax

**Author's Note:**

> first soogyu fic because we simply need more soogyu content! also, txt's anniversary is coming up omg (hooray!!)
> 
> \-- REMINDERS: leaving comments are deeply appreciated (it motivates me to write, really), there will be swearing, this is only fictional & lastly, not beta'd. >o<
> 
> that's all, happy reading! <3

* * *

_Present_

* * *

It's the first day of winter for the whole year, with the first drop of snowflake landing on Beomgyu’s windowsill.

The young man momentarily looks up from the pile of papers on his study table, following the path of falling snow by the window, the scenery from outside slowly turning from warm hues to cool colors. It was a beautiful sight, but Beomgyu couldn't help but feel bitter.

A familiar ache resides in his chest, remembering how he used to love the winter, snuggling under warm fuzzy blankets and drinking hot chocolate - a perfect combination for the crisp season. Besides from all the fun activities that comes with it, he actually considers it his ‘lucky’ season - always receiving good things whenever the snow falls.

At the age of four, it became a family tradition to bake cookies and sleep by the fireplace, with his grandfather sharing stories of his adventures when he was young. At nine years old, he got his first pet named toto, a parrot that he adopted from the animal shelter. He also got his first ever guitar on a cold winter’s day, a present given to him by his father. Surprisingly, he even received his acceptance letter in his dream university during their winter break in his last year in high school.

These are a few reasons as to why Beomgyu believes that winter had always blessed him with nothing but beautiful things in life.

Because it was also winter when he met Choi Soobin. The encounter is on the top of his 'most memorable things that happened' list, and he remembers like it was yesterday - how he was freezing from the cold, but Soobin was surprisingly _warm_ (and he was willing to stay out in the cold if he’s lucky enough to feel the elder’s warmth all over again).

But all that he feels right now though is the cold engulfing him, glancing at his empty bed, longing for the warmth that used to be present when his past lover was still around to provide that for him.

He sighs, neatly stacking the pages of his script on the table before setting them aside, deciding to take a break as he stood up from his chair, clumsily tip-toeing from the ground which was filled with clothes he’d thrown earlier from his closet from the previous rush of finding a decent attire for an important meeting with his manager and the director.

He was supposed to practice and memorize his lines from the script, but he hated how the weather was making him feel - completely lost and unmotivated. The snow brought a lot of unnecessary turmoil of emotions and memories he wishes to forget, but finds it difficult to do so.

_The heart always remembers_ , and he didn’t know whether he should be happy with that thought or not.

He collapses on his bed, burying his face deeper into the sheets. Taking a deep breath, he turns around to stare onto the ceiling, face blank yet his thoughts are all muddled up. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, he should be okay by now. They weren’t supposed to see each other after everything that happened, but they did, and he hated how the universe works, making sure that he has a reminder of a beautiful relationship left to wither out into the cold.

Three years. They were together for three wonderful years. A year had passed since then, and he thought that he was over it, but his belief had obviously been proven wrong, seeing the miserable state he’s currently in.

He was the happiest with Soobin, his ex boyfriend. Their relationship almost felt too good to be true at first, a story that has long been over, but Beomgyu is still stuck in the final chapter (and he doesn't think he'll ever be able to close their book).

The ringing of his phone draws him back, wondering who was brave enough to disturb him from his thoughts. He reaches over his bedside table and grabs his phone, the light of the screen making him squint his eyes. ‘Manager Kang’ was written on the screen, his phone constantly ringing and abruptly ended, before ringing again.

He decided to turn off his phone by the fourth missed call. He can deal with his manager's wrath later, for now, he has to deal with the ongoing war inside his heart and mind. He lies back down on the bed, wrapping his arms around his extra pillow, wishing it was Soobin and cursing himself at the same time for feeling this way. _This is the last time, Beomgyu._ He thought. _One last time to allow yourself to feel, to cry, to hope, and to think about anything related to your winter angel._

All of the effort he’s put to mend his broken heart for months seemed to be in vain, as he feels the ache in his heart remain the same.

* * *

_4 years ago_

* * *

The cold breeze of January makes Beomgyu feel giddy, walking around the campus with a light skip on his steps. He was happy for two main reasons: winter season and their department’s annual showcase.

He was lucky enough to be chosen as one of the main characters for their department’s play, which will happen in two months from now, and for a student whose major is arts and drama, it was a big deal for them to be a part of the annual showcase, as casting directors from famous companies - local and international ones - usually attend the said event, looking for potential faces to join the industry. Since it’s winter, Beomgyu hopes that he’s lucky enough for another surprise, maybe a job offer, or another play he could join in.

He stops walking, facing the university’s well-known fountain, which all students believe to be historic - containing some sort of magic that grants your wishes. He briefly closes his eyes, asking the fountain to bring him luck for his first ever table read with the other casts in the play today.

There were only a few people outside, as the weather seemed colder today compared to the previous days, but it didn’t bother him, still smiling as he faced the other way after making his wish. His excitement didn’t dwindle down, his eyes shining with pure admiration as he looked around, the university looking like a dream - a winter wonderland.

_It’s gonna be a good day_. Beomgyu strongly affirms.

After a few minutes, he decides to head over to the library to read over the script provided by their director in the play, _as if he didn’t spend the whole night practicing his lines over and over again._

Before he could even step away from the fountain, a mop of blue hair collides directly from his direction, failing to balance himself as he falls on the ground, his script flying through the air and some landing straight inside the fountain.

His eyes widen at the situation and his back hurts like hell, making him a bit dizzy from the fall. He blinks once, twice, as he slowly registers a pair of lips on his cheek, which was awfully close to his own lips, and it was so soft and warm and it just made his head hurt.

Then the reality sinks in - the thought of a stranger stealing a kiss angers him, immediately pushing the person off of him and abruptly standing up to face the kiss stealer.

“Yah! It’s rude to kiss someone without permission you know!” Beomgyu scolded, pointing an accusing finger towards the blue-haired boy, somehow feeling a bit breathless.

The boy stands up and brushes off the snow from his clothes, looking up to meet Beomgyu’s eyes with a sheepish smile. And god, Beomgyu was starstruck.

Mr. Kiss Stealer is fucking gorgeous - pale skin, bright eyes, heart-shaped lips and even has dimples (he was truly trying his best not to move closer to poke the guy’s dimples) - a winter angel, Beomgyu thought.

For a moment, he wanted to thank the guy for stealing a kiss, but then he looked away, seeing the pages of his script buried in the snow and some, floating in the fountain and he was back to being upset - wanting to slap the smile off the guy’s handsome face.

“Well? We don’t have all day, explain yourself!” Beomgyu exclaims, putting his hands on his waist for emphasis.

The gesture made the blue-haired boy chuckle, muttering ‘cute’ under his breath, and if Beomgyu wasn’t paying attention, he would’ve never heard it. And he’d be lying if he wouldn’t admit that it made his heart flutter in such an annoying way.

“I didn’t mean to steal a kiss on your cheek, I mean it’s only on your cheek though, but I’m still sorry.” the guy answered, giving Beomgyu an apologetic smile.

“Every kiss for me is important, no matter where it’s placed..” Beomgyu pouted. He has never dated anyone before, nor does he have any plans to date as of the moment, but he does catch himself dreaming about falling in love, and you could say that he was quite a sucker for romance. Plus, he considers this as one of his first kisses, which upsets him more.

“I understand, I’m really sorry. I was running because I’m late in class and I didn’t see you and oh shit -” the guy replied, checking the time in his phone, before hastily putting it in his back pocket and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

“I don’t want to be rude or anything, but I’m really late for class. I gotta go, I’m sorry again!” Mr. Kiss Stealer said, and before Beomgyu could even protest, the guy was already running off to the Music and Arts building.

Beomgyu lets out a string of colorful words for the blue-haired guy, picking up the pages of his script, his cheeks turning into a light shade of red - because of the cold, Beomgyu convinces himself.

Definitely because of the cold, not because of the stolen kiss, or the guy who stole it.

Beomgyu’s day went from good to bad, running from the silent halls of their building, hoping that Yeji - the person who has the same major as his and their director for the play - wouldn’t scold him for being fifteen minutes late to their table read.

It’s all Mr. Kiss Stealer’s fault. If only he hadn’t wished on the fountain, if the blue-haired guy didn’t accidentally tackle him onto the ground, if his script wasn’t ruined, then he wouldn’t be late at all.

He looked around the whole building for Ryujin, the one who wrote their play, and waited for another hour, just to get a new copy of the script. Now that he’s holding the handle of the double doors which leads to their auditorium, he suddenly feels really nervous. Surely being late at their first ever meeting doesn’t technically leave a good impression. But he didn’t have enough time to spare, so he takes a deep breath and gently pushes the door open, peeking inside.

More than ten pairs of eyes were looking right back at him, and he slowly gulped, stopping to look at Yeji and seeing her smile be replaced with a frown. He bows, muttering an apology. And maybe Yeji was too tired to argue, telling Beomgyu to take a seat and he didn’t want to anger her more so he quickly chose the nearest seat he could find.

After settling in his seat, they immediately start. While listening, he looks to his side to see —

“Didn't expect to see you here.” Mr. Kiss Stealer whispered, immediately covering Beomgyu’s mouth with his hand (which was freaking large by the way, and he thought that one slap from this guy would knock him the hell out) before he could even scream.

He realized that screaming would be a bad idea, seeing as Yeji is probably still upset at him for being late. The hand that was covering his mouth was quite annoying, and he didn’t know where his sudden bravery came from, but he licks the hand that’s covering his mouth, just to annoy the guy. Feeling quite satisfied, after seeing the guy’s shocked face, withdrawing his hand that was covering Beomgyu’s mouth.

“If the two of you are done with your shameless flirting, maybe we can continue on with reading our scripts, yeah?” Yeji scolded, glaring at Beomgyu and the guy beside him, making both boys sit up straight, Beomgyu’s ears immediately turning red.

After their table read, Beomgyu immediately walked out the auditorium, seething.

Apparently, Yeji thought that it was a good idea to group the main characters into pairs, to practice their lines instead of practicing alone. Maybe Yeji was really angry at him, because he was paired with Mr. Kiss Stealer much to his dismay.

But Choi Beomgyu is known to be a stubborn man, and he refuses to ruin the play just because he was upset with the guy. Of course he has to act professional. It took him ten minutes to calm down, before walking back in with confident strides, going straight at the blue-haired guy.

“Hey, I’m Choi Beomgyu, 2nd year majoring in arts and drama, plus your partner in practicing our lines for the play.” Beomgyu said, tapping the tall man on the shoulder. At a much calmer situation, he realizes that Mr. Kiss Stealer is not only handsome, but is so tall and it makes him feel tiny, awkwardly standing in front of him.

“Hi, Beomgyu. I’m Choi Soobin, 3rd year majoring in arts and drama, plus I accidentally kissed you on the cheek, which I’m truly sorry for by the way.” Soobin replied, facing the younger with a small smile.

The reply actually made him laugh, and he thinks that this is progress. _One step at a time, gyu_. He reminded himself.

A week after that, the two of them have somehow established a schedule to meet three times a week to practice their lines. They would practice at random places, under the big old tree in the campus, inside the auditorium, by the fountain, at the end of the library hidden from the whole world.

As the day of the play draws near, practice slowly transitions into looking for reasons to hang out, their lines suddenly becoming questions to get to know each other and Beomgyu thinks that Choi Soobin isn’t so bad after all.

It was subtle, but Beomgyu realized that he always looked forward to seeing Soobin every time, even got his number to talk to him when they’re not together. Choi Soobin somehow became a necessity, someone who completed his day unknowingly by just being there.

Maybe they’re good friends now, yet he secretly couldn’t help but crave for _more_ \- more of the elder’s time, more attention, more than just knees touching, more than hands brushing against each other.

As they sit on the floor of the library, both of them sharing one script, he’s suddenly aware of Soobin’s breath softly blowing on the side of his face, and how close their bodies are huddled together.

He looks up from the script and admires Soobin’s face, the light of the sun coming from the window serves as Soobin’s personal spotlight. It was so mesmerizing that Beomgyu almost forgot to say his line, if it weren’t for Soobin tugging on the sleeve of his sweater, encouraging him to talk.

Beomgyu gulps, the words stuck in his throat, suddenly focusing on Soobin’s eyes, who’s fondly looking at him with the sweetest smile, beomgyu wanting to believe that he's the only one who is lucky enough for the elder to smile at him like that.

"Earth to gyu?" Soobin said, waving his hand in front of the younger's face, drawing him back to reality. He shook his head, his cheeks turning into a tint of red, and Soobin couldn't help but coo at the sight.

"Sorry, I got distracted." was Beomgyu's only reply, trying to stop himself from getting lost in the elder's eyes once more.

"Why? Are you cold? Move closer, gyu." Soobin answered, a concerned look in his face as he pulled beomgyu impossibly closer to him, engulfing the younger in a snuggly embrace. Beomgyu tried to hide his shock, not once did the elder remove his arm in the other's shoulders. So with a boost of confidence, Beomgyu rested his head on his hyung's chest, quietly listening to the steady rhythm of his heart, their practice long forgotten.

_Choi Soobin is so warm_ , Beomgyu thought, and he wanted to stop time and simply stay in that moment for as long as he could.

* * *

_Present_

* * *

He didn’t know what time it was, but guessing from the little street lights from his window - serving as the only thing illuminating his dark room - it was probably a bit too late to call his manager back. He heaved a sigh, still feeling a little tired - physically, mentally and emotionally.

Beomgyu’s nap took longer than he thought, waking up to the sound of muffled shouts and loud knocks by the door. He winced at the sound, a bit confused at the situation too. It was already late, his manager wouldn’t dare visit him late at night unless it’s an emergency, right?

He groggily stands up, rubbing the sleep off his eyes and yawns, stretching his arms as high as he could. He heads outside his room, walking towards his apartment door with half-lidded eyes.

The door wasn’t even fully opened, when he was engulfed in a tight hug, the person muttering a string of curses telling him that he got everyone worried. When the person was about to pull back, Beomgyu wrapped his arms around the guy, hugging him tighter.

“You didn’t have to visit me at such an ungodly hour, hyung.” Beomgyu whispered, nuzzling his face into the crook of the elder’s neck. He noticed that the elder oddly smelled different today, probably a new cologne that he bought.

“Taehyun called me saying you weren’t answering his calls, of course I had to see you.” Yeonjun whispered, drawing soothing circles on his back.

Yeonjun felt cold to the touch, probably because he was outside for too long. But the cold that the elder provided was his sanctuary. Even as the chills agonizingly went down his spine, he released a contented sigh from his lips as the exhaustion of today finally wears away.

Safe. He feels safe in the arms of Yeonjun.

The elder may be a little rough around the edges (his little troublemaker, beomgyu thinks) but he accepted it a long time ago that Yeonjun will always feel _wintry_ \- with his soft grey hair, multiple piercings and tattoos decorating his body, and oftentimes he’s hard to read - but that’s what makes him feel like home.

He met Yeonjun through heartbreak two years ago, when he was drunkenly walking home alone late at night, trying his best to walk straight ahead - tripping maybe three or four times. It was dark and he thought that it was smart to drink outside all by himself, which led him to his current situation - a man pinning him down the cold ground, close to being beaten down and robbed, as he was not really putting much of a fight - when his knight in shining leather jacket came to rescue him.

Sadly, he forgot about him the next day, as the whole encounter was a bit blurry in his memories. He went to work with a scowl on his beautiful face and the worst hangover he probably ever had, as he was once again in a hurry for a quick meeting with the whole company. Surprised was an understatement when a familiar blonde (now dyed silver) was sitting inside the meeting room in the same company as him a week after the incident.

Beomgyu didn’t think much of it, believing that the guy did look familiar, but his thoughts were messed up from the alcohol when the accident happened and he suddenly considered the whole thing as a dream. Of course it wasn’t, not when his knight in shining leather jacket walked towards him with an outstretched hand after the meeting, looking a lot like sin, but with a touch of heaven in his smile.

He was in a daze, staring at the outstretched hand in front of him, before looking back up. The elder took his hand, holding it with his own and slowly shook their hands, Yeonjun’s smile growing impossibly bigger and leaned to whisper in the younger's ear - _"you're so cute when you're drunk" -_ and beomgyu could only blush at the comment. The rest was history.

Beomgyu had been living under a rock as he came to know that the elder is actually a rising idol, their company’s ace - continuously breaking records, rapidly gaining fans around the world and always at the top of the charts, Choi Yeonjun is every human’s dream living in reality.

They stay in front of Beomgyu’s apartment door for a long time, until both of them start shivering from the winter breeze and decided to move to the living room. He refuses to let Yeonjun go, wrapping his arms around the elder’s waist.

“I was supposed to visit you tomorrow, thought that you needed some company knowing how much you hate winter.” Yeonjun said, settling down on the couch, pulling him along to settle on the elder’s lap. Beomgyu plays with the hem of his shirt - the urge to cry was suddenly so appealing.

Choi Yeonjun is his safe place for a reason: He knows about Soobin, knows why he hates winter, and knows why he didn’t answer his manager’s calls. When they met in the same company (thankfully sober), everyone already knew that the elder was smitten for him. I mean, based from the whispers from the employees, the Choi Yeonjun would never even bother talking to you nor even spare anyone a glance unless it's career-related. The elder was quite obvious with his intentions too, so when Yeonjun asked him out three days after seeing each other inside the company, he quickly turned him down.

and it's not like he wasn't interested, Beomgyu would be crazy to let such an amazing man walk out of his life. He thought that Yeonjun at least deserves an explanation as to why he couldn’t say yes to a date, so they went out to drink at an exclusive bar downtown and poured his whole heart out towards a man whom we just met (because he came to discover that the elder was his healing ever since that day).

Surprisingly, the elder didn’t leave. It had been two years and Yeonjun stayed, telling him that he was okay with being his friend, that he can take all the time that he needs to heal, sealing the reassurance with a promise that he'll be with the younger every step of the way.

and the thought made him cry, because Choi Yeonjun is far from looking a lot like heartbreak. The elder brought him a sense of comfort that he never knew he needed. He was a safe place for Beomgyu to be vulnerable - far from the hurtful words of society and the shutters of cameras from the paparazzi, breaking down his walls one by one - a sight that only Yeonjun is allowed to see.

Choi Yeonjun is far from someone like Choi Soobin, a person whose warmth only burned him in the end.

“Hey cub, do you want to talk about it?” Yeonjun gently asked, raising a hand to brush the strands of hair that was slightly covering Beomgyu’s eyes. The simple action made his heart flutter, leaning down to rest his head on the elder’s shoulder.

“I.. you know, I thought I was over it.. But constantly seeing him and being in the same room with him.. It hurts hyung, it still hurts right here.” Beomgyu whispered, trying to force himself to not cry, clutching his chest to show Yeonjun where it hurts.

“I understand, it’s okay to hurt, cub. I’m right here, let it all out.” Yeonjun replied, wrapping his arms around him, and so he lets the tears fall (and beomgyu hates the winter, but he found comfort in yeonjun’s cold hands).

Beomgyu allowed a tear to slip past his eye, and another, and another one, until he was sobbing on the elder's shoulder, his body shaking from the pain. He wanted to keep crying until he felt numb, until the pain was no longer there.

“Do you want me to kiss it better?” Yeonjun asks after Beomgyu's crying session, raising his brows in a suggestive manner. Even when a few tears continued to fall from his eyes, he releases a laugh, slapping the elder’s shoulder as a reply.

At that moment, Beomgyu believes that everything will be alright, as he looks at Yeonjun adoringly. It was the only assurance for him that things were going to be okay.

Beomgyu was laying at his bed, flipping through the pages of his script, studying his lines and trying to be in tune with the character’s personality and emotions. He looked over his desk, Yeonjun hunched over his laptop, focused on making new music for his next comeback.

Yeonjun usually stays over his apartment during the winter, half of his clothes kept on the other side of his closet - proof of the elder's frequent sleepovers. Beomgyu tends to shut down during the cold season, and Yeonjun’s been there for him ever since, anchoring him whenever the waves of emotions try to drown him.

He continued to stare at the elder - Yeonjun silently nodding his head to the beat of the music - staring emotionless out the window. The elder pauses the music playing in his laptop, scribbling down his notepad, before playing it again.

Beomgyu holds his breath, amazed at the elder by doing the bare minimum. He was always fond of watching Yeonjun make music - how he would stare off into space, biting his bottom lip in concentration, eyebrows knit together.

but his favorite part is when Yeonjun’s eyes would suddenly light up and would immediately pick up his pen to start writing. After that, he would always, _always,_ look at beomgyu.

And then Yeonjun smiles.

His smile is intoxicating, like the elder wants him to be proud of him - and he is, _god_ , he’ll always be proud of him. No matter how crazy the guy can get, he’ll always be Yeonjun’s partner-in-crime. Whenever his Yeonjun hyung would smile at him like that, he felt like he was a person who is more than the broken man that he is, someone who is even capable to bring him the whole world as a gift.

He felt like Beomgyu could give him a shattered piece of his heart and Yeonjun would still look at him the same way - with the brightest smile, protecting the piece with his cold yet loving hands.

Beomgyu puts his script down on his lap, waiting. And a few minutes later it happened - Yeonjun’s eyes lit up and looked over his shoulder to see Beomgyu already looking, directing a smile at him.

He feels like he could breathe again, it was truly refreshing seeing the elder smile at him like that.

It's looks so easy, to forget and fall in love with the man in front of him. After all, Yeonjun is not hard to love. If only his heart had not been crumpled and thrown like pieces of paper on the floor.

And he believes that he will heal. Maybe not right now, but he will. So no matter how much he’s still hurting, he genuinely smiles back.

* * *

_3 years ago_

* * *

The annual showcase was a success and unfortunately, he didn’t get any offers. The good thing though, is a lot of casting directors complimented him for his skills in acting, and Beomgyu thinks that that’s more than enough, seeing how he was able to catch their attention, promising that he’ll work harder for the next play.

He was also quite happy for his Soobin hyung, as the elder got three invitations in three companies - two locals and one international. Who wouldn’t though? Soobin was amazing at what he did and he was proud to be one of his co-stars in the play.

Another good thing is that it’s still winter, and he scored a date.

He thought that after the play, he wouldn’t hang out with Soobin again, as both of them didn’t have a reason to see each other anymore, and the thought scares him. So he was quite surprised when Soobin approached him backstage with a warm smile, and asked him out, which was quite embarrassing on Beomgyu’s part because he immediately said yes, earning him a laugh from the elder.

They had their first date at the ice skating rink, their laughter filling the place with how he kept falling on his butt for the first three tries. He had so much fun that they didn’t notice it was already late - the staff telling them that they had ten more minutes before closing the rink.

Both of them were freezing, the snow seemingly harsh and unrelenting, but even then, Soobin’s hand was warm against his, and it was enough for him to fight off the cold. They ended their date with ice cream (as if the cold wasn’t enough to freeze their asses off).

The next day was spent lounging in their pajamas, watching Christmas movies even though it was nine months away, drinking hot chocolate - Soobin having three extra marshmallows in his, just the way he likes it.

In the afternoon, they decided to go outside and enjoy the snow, building their snow forts for their snowball fight. Beomgyu felt like they were kids again, with just the two of them, the world being their playground.

And then they got a bit competitive, challenging each other on who could make a bigger snow angel - obviously Soobin having the advantage with his height, but Beomgyu never backs down, accepting the bet wholeheartedly.

As expected, Beomgyu lost the challenge, but he gained something better - his first ever boyfriend (cue in Beomgyu squealing).

That was a year ago, all of his days had been warmer since then (definitely because of Choi Soobin). He can even compare ordinary days to his love for winter, and that says a lot, knowing that he loved the cold so much.

His boyfriend is so close to graduating, whereas he’s in his third year, and it was both difficult for them to find time for each other, but they always try to make things work with the time that they have - on Thursdays and Fridays, he would sleep in Soobin’s dorm, while Soobin would sleep at his dorm during Saturdays and Sundays since it was closer to the university. 

Today was friday and Beomgyu woke up to the smell of pancakes.

He walks out of Soobin’s bedroom and goes straight to the mini kitchen. He sees the older cooking pancakes, softly humming a tune he knows all too well and it makes him smile _._ He moved closer until he was behind the elder, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend to rest his chin on Soobin’s shoulder. 

“Good morning, my gyu. Did you sleep well?” Soobin asked, briefly glancing at him, before looking back at the task at hand.

“Mhm, of course I did, my binnie hyung.” Beomgyu sweetly replied, kissing Soobin’s dimple. He heard his boyfriend laugh, as he walked towards the refrigerator to grab some grape juice.

He had a good night’s sleep, mostly because Soobin’s kisses had worn him out. Like any other night, they would spend it by cuddling under fuzzy blankets, but they barely saw each other this week, too busy with meeting deadlines and late night studying.

It was last night that they were able to be together, so they spent it by tasting each other’s lips - with soft sighs and light caresses, like they had all the time in the world (and beomgyu hoped that they did).

Thinking about their relationship, it had been nothing but pure bliss.

He wasn’t famous, but the whole university somehow finds their relationship cute, when he found out that they won the couple of the year, an online poll created by the university council. A photo of the two of them which he posted on Instagram was placed in the university’s bulletin board - and the prize being two front row tickets to their favorite show at the local theater.

Today’s the day that they get to use their prize.

He was currently standing outside the theater, twenty minutes earlier than they had planned, hands already numb from the cold. Their professor surprisingly ended the class early, which is why he rushed to the theater as fast as he could.

Beomgyu is currently regretting his decision. He went to the university forgetting to wear an extra jacket, only being able to wear his hoodie, and the fact that it’s extra chilly today caused him to shiver for the whole day. His boyfriend won’t arrive probably half an hour from now, as he had to attend an important interview with one of the companies that wants to recruit him.

He looked down to stare at his sneakers, trying his best to focus on anything but the wind blowing past him, as he involuntarily shuddered. He looks up to look at the long line in front of him - the only good thing from coming early is he’s not at the back of the line. A hand was suddenly placed on his shoulder, forcing him to turn around.

“Hyung? Did you finish your interview early?” Beomgyu asked, quite surprised at his boyfriend arriving earlier than expected.

Soobin doesn’t answer and instead, drapes an extra jacket on his shoulders, before removing the scarf that he’s wearing and wraps it around the younger’s neck instead. The action made his heart flutter, silently thanking the angels above for giving him a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend.

“Hyung?” Beomgyu asked once again, trying to make his boyfriend look at him in the eyes. The elder finally looks at him, a small frown placed on his lips.

“I told you earlier to wait for me at the university, gyu. Why would you wait out here in the cold?” Soobin softly scolded, rubbing Beomgyu’s arms to warm him up.

If the gesture earlier made his heart flutter, the concerned look his boyfriend was giving him truly created a riot in his heart, feeling like it could burst any second. If only they weren’t going to watch their favorite play, he would have taken his boyfriend back to the dorms and shower him with lots of kisses and compliments.

“But how did your interview go?” Beomgyu asked, moving to wrap his arms around the elder’s waist. He felt Soobin reach something in his pocket, before pulling the younger away from him.

Beomgyu was about to complain, when Soobin held both of his hands instead, putting two hot packs in his palm. His boyfriend didn’t let go, only raising both their hands in front of his lips, gingerly blowing warm air into their hands.

“Hyung, answer my questions please.” Beomgyu pleaded, a little more flustered from the extra attention that his boyfriend had been giving him.

“I asked them to move my interview to next week, don’t worry about it.” Soobin finally answered.

“Wait, you can do that?” Beomgyu asked, looking perplexed.

“No, but they didn’t have a choice.” Soobin confidently said, smirking at the younger, his dimples in full display as he reached out to ruffle beomgyu’s hair.

Beomgyu felt guilty. Soobin probably rushed to the theater as soon as Beomgyu told him that he was already here without a jacket. He was about to apologize when his boyfriend leaned in to give him a quick peck right on the lips.

“I know what you’re thinking, it’s okay really. I have two more companies waiting for me and I can always apply for more.” Soobin smiled at him, and the guilt was still present, but not as worse as before, not when his boyfriend came all the way here because he was worried. He didn’t want to dampen the mood, so he decided to let this slide, for now.

“Besides, I wouldn’t want my boyfriend to freeze outside, do I?” Soobin teased, making him laugh as he playfully shoved his boyfriend inside the theater.

As they’re waiting for the show to start, Soobin reaches out to hold his hand. Beomgyu couldn’t help but look at his boyfriend - even when the show started, until it was almost over, he kept looking - and it dawned on him.

Beomgyu realized that this is the way they love - the words ‘i love you’ expressed through sweet kisses, worried glances and silent reassurances.

* * *

_Present_

* * *

_“Beomgyu! Soobin! Over here!”_

_“Beomgyu-ssi, were you not a part of the original cast of the drama?”_

_“Soobin-ssi! Can you drop any spoilers about your upcoming drama?”_

_“Beomgyu-ssi! Any news regarding the famous IT boy, Choi Yeonjun?”_

_“Soobin-ssi! Quick question, are the dating rumors of you and Beomgyu true?”_

The last question took Beomgyu by surprise, and by the looks of it he wasn’t the only one, as he felt the elder stiffen beside him. The two kept moving forward as best as they could, even when they were swarmed with paparazzis and fans who kept taking pictures and asking questions.

Their schedule for this week was hectic, going from one interview to another, and then multiple photoshoots for magazines and the show, plus shooting the scenes for next week, Beomgyu believes that he’s trying to keep himself sane by at least avoiding the elder beside him as much as he can.

_No wonder we’re both actors, we are such great pretenders_ , Beomgyu thought bitterly. The whole act was incredible - how they looked like lovers from all the photos taken and interviews they’ve gone to - from holding hands, hugging, and sweet gazes, it was all _fake_ and Beomgyu hated every second of it.

Maybe he hated the fact that it still had an effect on him. They are ex lovers after all, and the unresolved problems and probably some underlying feelings from before have been threatening to resurface - with Beomgyu being too stubborn to listen nor acknowledge the fact as much as possible.

He felt a hand rest on his back, and he tried to hide how uncomfortable he was, biting his bottom lip as he held his grimace. He definitely refuses to hear an earful from his manager about being ‘unprofessional’ again. A few minutes later and he leans closer to the elder, giving his best smile and waves at the cameras and the fans, secretly still bothered by the hand placed at his back, as the bodyguards were guiding them towards the building.

In the first few weeks of planning, practicing and meeting, both of them couldn’t bear each other, and the public immediately noticed it - with fans pointing out that they possibly ‘hate’ each other and were forced to do their upcoming drama.

Technically, some parts of it were true (except for the part where they were forced to do the drama together) and both of their managers scolded them for it, saying that their career was on the line. Which led them to a silent agreement that they will try to at least act civil in front of the cameras and to their fans, afraid that they would actually lose their jobs if they don’t get their shit together.

Once inside, he finally releases a breath, moving as far away as possible from his ex-boyfriend turned co-star. He sees Soobin frown at his sudden reaction before looking away, ignoring the way it made his heart beat crazily out of his chest.

He sat on the couch and tried to distract himself by grabbing a random magazine (which unfortunately has both of them as the cover page) and flip through the pages mindlessly. The magazine didn’t make sense though, as everything felt like a foreign language for him.

A chuckle by his side made him look up, seeing Soobin giggling as he looked at the younger. He raised a brow, trying to trample the butterflies in his stomach. The elder simply kept giggling, pointing at the magazine before shaking his head.

“You’re reading it upside down, stupid.” Soobin finally said after calming himself down. Beomgyu immediately went on full defensive mode, closing the magazine before trudging towards the enemy.

“Yah! You don’t just giggle and call other people stupid like that.” Beomgyu scolded, crossing his arms and gave the elder a glare (he would be lying if the elder’s laugh didn’t make his heart ache in a good way).

Soobin chuckled, reaching out to ruffle the younger’s hair out of force of habit, but beomgyu moved away before he could reach him, silence suddenly filling the air. It was awkward, and both boys could awfully feel it. The elder coughed, moving to stand in front of him.

“Still the stubborn little gyu that I know all these years I see.” Soobin jokes, offering the younger a small smile. Beomgyu looked away, feeling a bit overwhelmed at the nickname.

“You don’t get to call me that, not now, not ever.” Beomgyu choked out, suddenly feeling like the room was a little too small for the two of them. He closed his eyes, trying to even out his breathing.

A hand on his shoulder broke him out of his panic state - but with the way Soobin was looking at him was something that made it a bit harder to breathe. The elder was concerned, and his whole body suddenly felt warm, because it was always _that_ look which took his breath away, bringing him back to memories that he tried so hard to push at the back of his mind.

Beomgyu flinched at the touch, moving as far away as he could from the other. Soobin who is persistent as ever, tried once more to reach out to the younger but Beomgyu only shook his head, distancing himself from the man who broke him.

“Whatever you’re trying to do, it won’t fucking work. So just stop.” Beomgyu gritted out, balling his fists at his side.

“Hey, we can still talk about it, you know? _Gyu please._ ” Soobin softly pleads, taking a cautious step towards him. The action only made Beomgyu take a step back.

“Just, stop playing with me okay?! You’ve done enough, what else do you want from me!?” Beomgyu yelled out, the urge to call Yeonjun was all that he could think of.

“Soobin, please. I’m begging you to stop.” Beomgyu whispered, feeling defeated. He was shaking, his tears freely flowing.

“Don’t you remember what you did to me back then? You are the reason why I became who I am today, so thank yourself for that” Beomgyu added, giving the elder a final glare before walking away to look for the nearest bathroom to wash his now swollen eyes and red face.

He was sick and tired of pretending that they were okay, as if nothing had ever happened. It felt like he was constantly falling into a bottomless pit, with his screams silenced into the air. With a scenario like that, who will be there to save him?

Soobin wanted to follow the younger, trying his best to regain his composure before their next schedule. He was upset, wanting to hold and protect the broken man from all the pain he and the world have caused.

Something that he failed to do while they were still together.


End file.
